I find myself waiting for life-changing movements, where mountains have been moved for me to write in this blog. It's funny how I feel like most of what I think about or ponder is really nonsense and nothing that anyone would have any interest in reading. Lately, however, I have had a bit of an epiphany that I have moved a mountain lately---a really big, heavy, cumbersome mountain. This mountain was more than just a relationship in my life that had taken a different form, but a series of little pebbles of pain, happiness, joy, excitement, disappointment, pride, satisfaction, exhaustion and so many other adjectives. This mountain has changed me.
The way I think about it is I just went through an adult version of puberty. Now, I didn't have the mood swings or the body changes that the standard psychotic teen will experience, but rather I started to see the world differently, through broader eyes, clearer eyes. I am beginning to look at myself in the mirror and understand the person I see and like the person I see. It's a person with a story, a past, and a future and goals. I haven't necessarily "found myself" because does anyone ever really find themselves?
I think that's something we all will battle until the day we pass, but I can safely say that we each have a definition, a never ending definition. It's a ever-changing definition that we had onto and modify with each day, each new experience, each new love, new heartbreak, new achievement, new disappointment, new challenge, new interest.
Lately, I have had the opportunity to think about self-discovery as I am trying to develop a professional development curriculum for the undergraduate students in the College of Business here at Kent. When students begin their college experience there are those who know exactly who they want to become when they finish their 4 yeas and they do in fact follow through. Then there are those who have an idea and may change a few times, but they still maintain a sense of focus and direction. Finally, there are those students who come in the "deer in headlights" look on their faces and the "I think I just shit my pants" look when they are asked the question "what do you want to do with your life?" It's those students that inspire me. I love a good conversation with a student who has NO CLUE what they want to do with their life, or better yet who they are to begin with. This is where I came up with this idea of your own "definition." I have been trying to start this trend of encouraging students to begin writing their own definition. Who were they in high school? What did they do? Is their family important to them? Or maybe they have no family? These are all questions that I found myself encouraging my students to ask themselves.
So I leave you with this. What's your definition? Who are you? If you found your name in the dictionary, what would it say? It can be really fun to think about or it can make you see that there are parts of you that you have not yet discovered....a new path that has yet to be traveled.
(the start of) my definition: lady of the dance floor; friend; sister; daughter; writer; artist; explorer...
ReplyDeletei think an essence of a person has too many words to define. and i think parts of you grow, change, emerge, die, as you go along and experience new things. that's why it's great to go new places, meet new people, try new things, fail, succeed, etc. definitions are fickle because you change and when you do your definition changes.
ReplyDeleteI see your point, and I guess it challenges me to go even further in my thinking and perhaps move away from "defining" yourself, but rather writing your own history, developing your own identity. I think too often people say "I don't know who I am" and I would challenge them by asking "Well...who are you?" That was more what I meant by "defining" yourself. It isn't something that will ever end, but also the past won't change. I think it's important to see where we came from in our identity development to where we are today, to give us an idea of where we want to go tomorrow. However, that process starts with you asking yourself, "Who am I today? Am I happy? Sad? Strong? Weak?" or maybe it isn't a matter of using plain adjectives to describe yourself but rather a story of an experience you had that day. As I've written this, I've discovered that I'm a huge advocate of journaling haha. Keeping a running documentation of where you've been, where you are today, and where you want to be tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thoughts and feedback friends :) You help me grow!